The Paradox Of Success: To Win Big, Let Go Of The Outcome

Everything you desire creates a fear of not getting it. If you want a promotion at work, you fear being rejected. If you want to ask someone out romantically, you fear they’ll say no. If you want to start a business, you fear it will fail.

The same is true with wanting to “win” or find “success.” You want to be successful so badly that the fear of failing actually hurts your chances of succeeding. That’s the paradox of success. To win big, you have to let go of the outcome.

The Desire To Win Creates The Fear Of Losing.

The harder you hold onto to winning, the worse you’ll perform. Performance coach Kapil Gupta writes in his book, Atmamum:

“When the mind desires winning, its fear of losing far exceeds the desire for winning. As a result, there is intense anxiety. Which, in turn, sabotages the individual’s performance. And often results in the very thing that the mind feared all along: Losing.”

The trick is to let go. Winning can’t be the point, only an inevitable outcome of continued practice and improvement for the sake of improvement.

If you can immerse yourself completely in what you are doing, “winning” becomes easy.

Success Comes To Those Who Immerse Themselves In What Is Already A Part Of Them.

Most people aren’t working on the right things. When you find what you’re supposed to be doing, work isn’t “work.” It’s not obligatory, but instead an exploration of yourself. It’s an exercise in self improvement.

Gupta writes:

“[Success] arises from innocence when an individual is so devoted to his craft that he gives himself to it, day and night. Not because he wishes to make himself a success. But because the craft is quite literally a part of him… He feels that he is born to do it… And because of this intimacy with his craft and the innocence with which he approaches it, his skill level soars. And success comes running to him.”

That’s what writing is for me. When I’m writing an article on one of my blogs, or writing a T.V. pilot, creative deck, or feature film, it’s not work. It’s play. I do it because I like doing it, and I’m endlessly curious about the craft and how it works.

With this kind of approach - given enough time - success will find you. It’s not about “hard work” or grinding yourself to the bone. It’s about working on the right stuff.

“Hard Work” Is Often An Excuse For Failure.

There’s a myth about hard work. People believe hard work is enough to find success. It’s not. As Naval Ravikant says, what you work on and who you work with are far more important than “working hard.”

But people use the idea of hard work to protect their egos when they fail. Here’s Gupta again:

“Hard work has become a scapegoat of sorts. It is a game that people play with themselves. They work ‘hard’ in order to prove to themselves that When they don’t make it, it just wasn’t meant to be. Because if they don’t make it Even With all of that hard work, what else could they have done?”

I used this “hard work” cover for years at my job to make myself feel better about working for someone else. Because if I failed to ever go out on my own, I could say it wasn’t for lack of trying! Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be…

But everything changed when I discovered leverage. I learned about the ways to disconnect inputs (hours worked) from outputs (money). And I realized that hard work isn’t the most important ingredient to success - finding something you love to do and then scaling it is.

To Become A Legend, Avoid The Crowd.

All of us think and act like the people around us. This is called social proof. It’s the reason why in those prank shows, when someone gets into an elevator and everyone in there is facing the wrong direction, that new person turns and faces that way too.

The environment we live in impacts us far more than we think it does. You rise or fall to the level of the people you surround yourself with.

That’s why if you want to become a true legend, you must avoid following the crowd. Here’s Gupta one more time:

“If you seek to be a legend in your field, it will help you to understand that you will have to be comfortable being an outcast. For you will not fit into this society. And if you do fit neatly into this society, there is no way that you will be a legend… If you seek to be a legend, bring to the world something that it has never before seen. There is something unique in you. For nature makes one-of-a-kind creations. Society makes clones.”

This is one reason why Naval Ravikant recommends spending a lot of time alone. It’s only in this quiet space that you can sense and follow your instincts - unencumbered by the push and pull of the rest of the world. And then you can go on to create something unique.

So let go of winning. It’s a zero sum game, not a positive sum game. Focus on improving for the sake of improving. That’s when success will will come running to you.

Thanks for reading.

If You Want More Content Like This, Follow Me On Twitter And Subscribe To My Newsletter:

—

SOURCES

Gupta, Kapil. Atmamun: The Path To Achieving The Bliss Of The Himalayan Swamis. And The Freedom Of A Living God. Kindle Edition.