Do What’s Important For You, Not What’s Urgent For Someone Else
I’ve spent much of my life running from problem to problem. Putting out “urgent” fires. Answering an endless stream of emails. Struggling to get enough sleep and exercise. I spent very little time thinking about the kind of lifestyle I want. And even less time building towards it.
Because most of our “priorities” are set by other people. This is how the world works: If you don’t know what you want, and don’t set up barriers to protect the time you need to go after what you want, you’ll become a cog in someone else’s machine.
Most people are cogs. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I know as well as anyone the addictive pull of certain comfort over uncertain freedom.
But if you have that whisper in your mind that the lifestyle you’re living isn’t the one you envisioned before “life” took over, then that’s a signal to start paying attention to whose priorities you’re really living for. They’re probably not yours.
Most Of What’s Urgent Is Urgent For Someone Else.
Take a look at your calendar. How much of what fills your day is someone else’s priority?
Much of my day used to be taken up by meetings set by other people. Urgent emails that were urgent for someone else’s schedule. I was working my way up in a corporate 9-5 job, doing everything I could to get ahead. Get that promotion. Make my bonus. Make my boss look good.
I didn’t even notice I was trapped in this pattern until I saw that my wife didn’t live it. She was living a very different life. She was going to auditions (she’s an actor). Seeing friends. Working on her acting craft. Attending seminars from casting directors and acting teachers.
She was doing all the things that moved her closer to her singular goal – the same goal she’s had since she was 16 years old. And she’s never let someone else’s “urgent” priorities distract her from going after what she wants.
Today, my priorities are very different. Not only because I work for myself and have a little more freedom with my schedule, but because I’ve “woken up” to this pattern of behavior.
Now, I prioritize seeing my family. I make time for at least 45 mins of exercise per day. I walk outside in the sun with my wife and dog. I protect three hours of deep writing work per day. I protect 8 hours of sleep, an hour of reading, ice hockey one night a week, golf twice a week.
These are MY priorities – no one else’s. And I don’t sacrifice them.
Do What’s Important To You Right Now.
We often think we have more time than we really do to do things that matter to us.
After playing hockey at USC in my early 20s, I’ve always said I was going to get back on the ice regularly. I said that to myself for about nine years. Suddenly, I was 32 – about to reach the downward slope of physical fitness, and I still hadn’t gotten back to playing my favorite sport.
It was the pandemic that woke me up. Suddenly, I couldn’t take my physical health for granted, and I made a goal to get back to playing ice hockey in 2022. Now, I play every week.
We tend to put off what’s important because there’s no clear deadline for getting it done. Luca Dellanna talks about this on Twitter, writing:
“The very important never feels urgent. The most common regret people have on their deathbed is to have spent their life chasing the urgent, neglecting to do what was actually important. Family meals, drinks with friends, learning, and taking care of our health are all very important activities. And yet, we often skip them to attend meetings and other urgent errands.
Because the very important does not have a deadline, we have the impression that we can delay it for a few days. It is a huge mistake. Delaying something once opens the door to delaying it forever. If you think about it, the very important never feels urgent. Instead, most of what feels urgent is important for someone else, not for you.”
What could be more important than your health? Neglecting it to get ahead with a 70-hour work week may look good in the short term, but it will destroy you in the long term.
What could be more important than spending time with aging parents? I’m not sure if you’ve seen the chart that’s going around, but by the time you’ve moved out of your parents’ house as an adult, you’ve spent 90% of all the time you’ll ever have with them.
What could be more important than enjoying an activity you love? Pursuing hobbies and interests is what makes life worth living.
Don’t wait. Figure out what’s important to you and act on it. It’s later than you think.
To Figure Out What’s Important, Do The “80-Year-Old” Test.
I use the 80-year-old test to figure out how to spend my time to limit future regrets. This is a test I picked up from Jeff Bezos when he was trying to decide whether to quit his job and go all in on Amazon:
“For me, the best way to think about it was to project myself forward to age 80 and say, ‘Look, when I'm 80-years-old, I want to have minimized the number of regrets that I have.’ I don't want to be 80-years-old and in a quiet moment of reflection, thinking back over my life, and cataloging a bunch of major regrets.
If it failed, fine. I would be very proud of the fact when I'm 80 that I tried. And I also knew that it would always haunt me if I didn't try. And so that would be a regret, it would be 100 percent chance of regret if I didn't try and basically a zero percent chance of regret if I tried and failed. That's a useful metric for any important life decision.”
I know my 80-year-old self would regret not playing more ice hockey while I’m physically able. He would regret keeping a comfortable day job and never testing what he’s made of by going out on his own. He’ll regret not taking control of his time.
But these are my regrets, not yours. What will your 80-year-old self regret? Figure it out. And avoid it at all costs.
Thanks for reading.