How To Conquer Fear: Ideas, Models, & More
Fear destroys your endeavors far more effectively than anything else. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of the unknown - all of these stops you before you even begin.
Here are a few ideas on how to conquer fear from those who have done it before you:
Define Your Fear of the Unknown.
Why are children (and many adults) afraid of the dark? Because you can’t see what the darkness holds. It’s a fear of the unknown. And once you turn the light on, the fear disappears. The space is now defined, and you can see there’s nothing to be afraid of.
We are all afraid of the unknown.
But entrepreneur Tim Ferriss has a model for helping you expose what you can’t see. He calls it “Fear Setting.”
The goal is to define your fear. In the exercise, you write out in vivid detail your fears about your career, your life, your work - everything. Imagine the worst-case scenario in your life…everything bad that could happen.
What are the first, second, and third-order consequences of your nightmare? How would it impact your family? Your friends? Your peers? Write until you have nothing left to write - until every dark corner of your mind has been inspected and poured onto the page.
And then consider how you could repair the damage. What steps could you take to get back on track if you lost your job? Or your business failed? And what is the cost of doing nothing?
After you finish this exercise, you’ll realize that the cost of inaction far outweighs the cost of trying in almost every case. And you can only see this after you shine a light on your fears by defining them.
Try Living Out Your Worst-Case Scenario.
You could take this exercise one step further by actually living out your worst-case scenario.
Tim Ferriss talks about doing this in his book Tools of Titans. Here are a few of the exercises he did to get comfortable with the risk of losing everything he had:
Sleeping in a sleeping bag, whether on my living room floor or outside.
Wearing cheap white shirts and a single pair of jeans for the entire 3 to 14 days.
Using CouchSurfing.com or a similar service to live in hosts’ homes for free, even if in your own city.
Eating only A) instant oatmeal and/or B) rice and beans.
Drinking only water and cheap instant coffee or tea.
This exercise may seem extreme, but imagine the confidence you’d have once you realize you can handle this. There would be virtually no downside to going for it!
How could you test out your nightmare scenario?
Suffocate Your Fear of Failure.
Once you define your fear, you may find out that what’s holding you back is a deep fear of failure.
The late billionaire, Felix Dennis, talks about the fear of failure in his book, How To Get Rich. He argues that fear of failure is one of the most potent forces preventing people from pursuing real wealth.
He breaks this fear into two components:
The fear of lettings others or yourself down and the financial destruction that could follow, and
The fear of the embarrassment of failure.
I have battled both of these in my life to some extent. The fear of financial destruction is especially poignant, even if it’s not as realistic as our instincts may indicate. I have made good money my whole life working for others, and I am grateful for those opportunities. A weekly paycheck is hard to let go of.
The fear of the embarrassment of failure has had less of an impact on me. I tend to care very little what other people think about me, and that has been a blessing all my life. But now and then it creeps in, especially with the people I love. The idea of failing publicly in front of them is not pleasant.
So, you struggle with these fears just like everyone else. What is Dennis’ solution to fear? You must learn to say two simple words: Fear Nothing.
And if you internalize these words, Dennis says you will become a predator, not prey. One of my favorite passages from the book reads:
You cannot banish fear, but you can face it down, stomp on it, crush it, bury it, padlock it into the deepest recesses of your heart and soul and leave it there to rot.
That’s what you must do - you cannot destroy the fear of failure entirely, but you can suffocate it by not giving it a moment’s thought.
Of course, you must think about the consequences and weigh decisions rationally, but you can never let fear stop you from acting. If fear prevents you from acting, it has won. You can talk as much as you like about the various enterprises you’d like to build, all the wealth you’ll have one day, and why you deserve that wealth, but until you act, you are nothing.
I have a plaque next to my desk, inspired by the book, that reads: “No fear. Lock it in your heart and suffocate it.” I look at it every day.
You Fear A Downside That Doesn’t Usually Exist.
Humans evolved to react instinctively to life and death situations. Unfortunately, that old hardware still exists in a world that is far less dangerous.
If you’re reading this in a developed nation, the downside of failure is not that massive. It’s not life or death. Naval Ravikant writes in his series, How To Get Rich, about this outsized fear:
Realize that in modern society, the downside risk is not that large. Even personal bankruptcy can wipe the debts clean in good ecosystems. I’m most familiar with Silicon Valley, but generally people will forgive failures as long as you were honest and made a high integrity effort.
If you make a great effort and fail, the downside is not as terrible as your reptilian brain imagines.
Investor Mohnish Pabrai came to the same conclusion when he was considering leaving his job to start his software business, Transtech, Inc. He had almost no money ($30K in a 401K), and $70K available in credit card limits. Pabrai writes in The Dhandho Investor:
“I researched U.S. bankruptcy laws and I found that they were not too onerous. If the business went south and I was unable to cover my debts, I could declare personal bankruptcy and start over.”
When Pabrai lays it out like this, it just doesn’t seem that scary.
Action Starts When The Fear of Regret Overtakes The Fear of Failure.
This is what it all comes down to. For any major decision, imagine yourself 90-years-old, lying on your death bed with a few days left. Consider whether that person - the future you - will regret not going after the thing you want.
More often than not, the answer is yes. Start now.
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Dennis, Felix. How to Get Rich: One of the World's Greatest Entrepreneurs Shares His Secrets. Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Ferriss, Timothy. Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers. HMH Books. Kindle Edition.
Pabrai, Mohnish. The Dhandho Investor. Wiley. Kindle Edition.